in re: Vancouver Olympics Closing Ceremonies: I may not be high but, dude, I am so high right now.
We Strongly Dis-Encourage It
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Giant Beavers, Giant Moose, Giant Mounties, Giant French-Canadian Hookers
in re: Vancouver Olympics Closing Ceremonies: I may not be high but, dude, I am so high right now.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Apolo Ohno, Charles Hamelin, 500m, blame Canada
in re: Apolo Ohno's 500m disqualification: Clearly all you have to do is touch a Canadian on the butt and they'll go down.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Vancouver Snowlympics, First Nations, "Y'all may win the golds but remember who you stole the gold from in the first place"
Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony: A Recap
1)
The water tribe hangs around a glacier.
Look, an aurora. Good thing it's not real or it might mess up Shaun White's iPhone reception.
2)
Giant bear shows up. Maybe the one that ate Bjork in Human Behavior.
HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS!
3)
Water Tribe gets eff'd up by global warming. Then they get eaten by a gang of Free Willys.
Poor water tribe.
4)
It's alright, blood makes the trees grow.
5)
Some Martha Graham crackers show up and stupid-dance around the trees. Stop Fern Gullying our trees, hippies.
6)
Now this is the canada I know. Like France, but dirtier.
7)
Some kid runs around a My Pictures screensaver, but all the pictures are of grass. Someone switch it to something more interesting. Like Flying Toasters.
8)
Out of storm and lightning, Extreme Sports are born.
Oh no, the evil black team is going to beat the good red team! Quick, everyone rollerskate in a circle.
9)
Slam poetry? Seriously? Ok, let me break it down for you, son. First, that ain't beard, that's all chin. You ain't fooling nobody. Second, all slam poetry sounds the same, so the fact that they got a mediocre slam poet to wax canucktastic on our uncultured asses doesn't mean you ain't going back to flipping fish fillets at McD's tomorrow.
10)
Everyone's favorite middle-aged lesbian K. D. Lang has finally morphed into a man who looks like a middle-aged lesbian. In this case, a mix of Ricky Gervais and Clay Aiken.
She sings a Leonard Cohen song, who must be in his hermitage somewhere right now vainly striving to write a song no one can cover.
I've already started getting into fights about this, but for all its flaws I felt moved and a wee bit educated by this ceremony. And while China's summer ceremony might have been one of the most spectacular spectacles ever performed by humans, if you ask me what I'd like to see more of in the future I'm certainly not putting a check mark next to the "Massive Populist Hegemonic Spectacle" box.
1)
The water tribe hangs around a glacier.
Look, an aurora. Good thing it's not real or it might mess up Shaun White's iPhone reception.
2)
Giant bear shows up. Maybe the one that ate Bjork in Human Behavior.
HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS!
3)
Water Tribe gets eff'd up by global warming. Then they get eaten by a gang of Free Willys.
Poor water tribe.
4)
It's alright, blood makes the trees grow.
5)
Some Martha Graham crackers show up and stupid-dance around the trees. Stop Fern Gullying our trees, hippies.
6)
Now this is the canada I know. Like France, but dirtier.
7)
Some kid runs around a My Pictures screensaver, but all the pictures are of grass. Someone switch it to something more interesting. Like Flying Toasters.
8)
Out of storm and lightning, Extreme Sports are born.
Oh no, the evil black team is going to beat the good red team! Quick, everyone rollerskate in a circle.
9)
Slam poetry? Seriously? Ok, let me break it down for you, son. First, that ain't beard, that's all chin. You ain't fooling nobody. Second, all slam poetry sounds the same, so the fact that they got a mediocre slam poet to wax canucktastic on our uncultured asses doesn't mean you ain't going back to flipping fish fillets at McD's tomorrow.
10)
Everyone's favorite middle-aged lesbian K. D. Lang has finally morphed into a man who looks like a middle-aged lesbian. In this case, a mix of Ricky Gervais and Clay Aiken.
She sings a Leonard Cohen song, who must be in his hermitage somewhere right now vainly striving to write a song no one can cover.
I've already started getting into fights about this, but for all its flaws I felt moved and a wee bit educated by this ceremony. And while China's summer ceremony might have been one of the most spectacular spectacles ever performed by humans, if you ask me what I'd like to see more of in the future I'm certainly not putting a check mark next to the "Massive Populist Hegemonic Spectacle" box.
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